Live NOW!

Written by Lisa Frost
Absurdly Improbable

30th Apr 2007

www.absurdlyimprobable.com

All too often we put things off for another day, because we're too busy, too tired, too scared, too... fill in the blank. We all have dreams, both big and small, of things we'd like to do, but too regularly we leave them for "tomorrow". But what if tomorrow never comes? What if that thing you put off "just one more day" ends up being put off one day too many, and you end up never again having the chance to do it?

I remember reading a quote some years ago from a forgotten source that stated, "We do not regret the things we do; we regret the things we do not do."

It's funny, but I really thought that's how I lived my life, that I didn't leave things I wanted undone. Then early last year one of my best friends died suddenly and I realised just how much I'd put off for a tomorrow that never comes, and just how much emotional pain those regrets cause. And just like the saying, it was all the things I hadn't done that I regretted. Not only that, it was all the little things that so often get over-looked and go unappreciated, and yet in reality are the things that bring colour to life and make it so beautiful.

I hadn't seen my friend for some months before he died, and I regretted that enormously. I regretted it because of all the little things I'd gathered to tell him, that now I never would. Mostly they weren't important in the larger sense, but they were the things that friendships are built on. I regretted that I hadn't seen his smile one last time. And of course I regretted that I'd never told him just how much I cared.

Whether it's a friend, a family member or a prospective partner, it's a difficult thing telling people you care; it opens you up and makes you vulnerable. I'm sure everyone's had the experience of telling someone how much they care only to be rejected. It doesn't matter how gently the rejection comes, it doesn't matter how much we tell ourselves it's ok, at the end of the day it hurts. And so we become more and more reluctant to tell people what they mean to us because we fear the pain of rejection. We get caught in this catch-22 where the more we care the more important it is to act. And yet the more we care the more we fear, and so the less likely we actually are to do anything about it.

You can look at emotional pain in two ways: either you can learn from it, and use it to help you grow, or you can wallow in it and allow it to drag you under. Two months before my friend died he wrote to me saying, "Life is too short to wallow in self pity." No other words have had a greater impact on how I've chosen to deal with my regrets and grief. Certainly I've chosen to learn from the experience rather than get caught up in the "if only..., if only..., if only..." trap.

Some say that we already have all knowledge within us and that we just need to remember. I certainly wish I had a better memory, as less than 2 years prior to my friend dying I had written a short piece entitled "Life's Too Short", after the sudden death of my grandmother and an incident with a friend that had a few issues. I choose to take more notice of my own words now, and would like to share them for you to ponder:

Life's Too Short

Life's too short to be unhappy. It's too short to be stuffing around not doing what you really want. It's too short not to send that text message, write that email or make that phone call to say 'Hi' to someone. It's too short not to go out with your friends for a drink. It's too short to keep working in a job where the only thing going for it is the paycheck. Money can certainly make you comfortable, and it can buy you things that make you happy, but in the long run most of us could still be happy with a lot less than we have, we just need to realise that. Your bank balance doesn't mean much when you're dead.

Life's too short to have issues and hangups and to go around worrying what everyone else thinks of you all the time. Make the decision to show your issues the door. It may not be easy, it may not be quick, but the only person who can get rid of them is you, and you have to really want to and make a conscious (and constant) decision to do so. Stop blaming things on others and take control of your own life. Stop expecting people to give you what you want, instead go out and get it yourself. The only person you have control of is you.

Life's too short to be unhappy with who you are. It's time to take a good look at yourself and acknowledge the good things about you. It's time to be proud of the person you are and the great things you have to offer. If you see something negative then resolve to change it rather than cry over it. Always be willing to acknowledge mistakes to others and attempt to make amends. It's time to realise that other people act the way they do for their own reasons, most of which have nothing to do with you, so stop reading into every little thing people do (or don't do) and say. It's time to start accepting other people for who they are.

Life is too short. So start living the life you want to live, instead of the one you think you should.

So what have I chosen to learn from this experience?

Well the perspective I've gained has allowed me to find the courage to face my greatest fears and act, rather than run away and hide. I've realised that there are worse things in life than fear, and so now I choose to live a life where I don't have regrets caused by inaction.

For example, prior to this I was terrible at telling anyone I wanted a relationship with how I felt. Just terrible! My first relationship only got off the ground thanks to a friend locking my prospective partner and I in the kitchen and telling us he wouldn't let us out until we were a couple. Can you imagine!? Even then I couldn't say a word, and so my prospective partner - a person that had some difficulty expressing his emotions - had to do all the work.

So how has that changed?

Well last year I met the person that I realised I wanted to share my life with. I knew it simply because I had a perfect vision of us being happy, regardless of anything I wanted to do in my life or anything he wanted to do in his. Not in a "make" each other happy way (as if anyone can do that!), but in magnifying the happiness that already existed in each of us. And not just saw but felt, and in feeling it I knew that if we could both just let go and be the people we truly are that everything I saw was possible.

That's not an experience I've ever had before, and to be honest it terrified me. Not just because of all the wonderful possibilities that could now be snatched away, but because, due to the circumstances in which I met him, he was the last person in the world I would ever have chosen as "the man of my dreams". How I felt made me hugely vulnerable, the situation magnified it ten-fold.

The fear wanted me to bury it all and never see him again; never face the possibility of rejection or it not turning out the way I envisaged. But how could I not try to attain such a vision? How could I leave the possibility of sharing my life with my soulmate unexplored? To turn my back on it was turn my back forever on attaining such a relationship, with him or anyone else.

So I did it. I faced the greatest fear of my life and told him how I felt. I was petrified, and in reality that's not the greatest state to be in to attract what you desire. But I did it.

So how did it turn out?

Not as planned. I don't believe it's a question of love, but of letting go, which is something I've not completely managed so far in spite of all my intentions. I've always believed that things turn out for the best in the end, and so I trust that everything has happened for a reason. I realise that the vision I see is real, and now I need to let go of it and have the faith that it will materialise, even if it's not in the manner, or even with the person, that I expect. I certainly still need to act, but it's a matter of acting in the way that feels right, rather than intellectualising my actions.

So do you think I feel like a failure just because it hasn't gone the way I wanted?

No way!! I have gained enormous belief in myself, because I realise that if I can act in this situation I can do absolutely anything! Facing your fears can be a hugely empowering process. Success isn't about everything turning out "perfectly", or of having more money, more fame, more whatever than anyone else. It's about knowing what you want and going for it. It's about believing in what you want and persisting despite the obstacles that appear in your path. When you look back at your life, it's about viewing it without regrets. Of feeling happy and proud of your life, knowing that you've lived it to the full. That's what personal freedom is all about.

This website is another example of acting in the face of my fears. At the end of 2006 I quit my job and started working on this site full-time. It's been a hugely scary thing to do, letting go of the security blanket of a regular income, particularly for a person as independent as myself. But I decided that it was time I started living my dreams, and I realised that in wanting to live my dreams I also wanted to help other people live their dreams too.

If you haven't already shared your dream it'd be fantastic if you registered for the site and did! I know it can be scary sharing your dream with the world. Our dreams are often our most intimate and personal possessions, and letting them out can make us feel vulnerable. Trust me, writing my own dreams took a lot of courage, as has writing this article. But I personally feel that letting a dream out is the first step in making it a reality. If you don't have enough belief in your dream to tell people about it, what do you think the chances are of it being achieved?

It's always nice to have the support and belief of others, and certainly the idea of this site is to build a community that supports, encourages, inspires and believes in each other. But just because there are people out there that don't believe in your dream doesn't mean you should give up on it. When you think about it, all of the greatest people in history had a lot of people that didn't support their dream.

What would've become of Jesus Christ, Mahatma Gandhi, Albert Einstein or the Wright brothers if they'd listened to the nay-sayers and opposition and given up? They would never have achieved all of the magnificent things they did, and our world would be a much duller place.

Constructive criticism can be a useful tool in helping us achieve our dreams, and it's a good idea to consider it objectively. But always remember that other people's opinions are just that - their opinions. It does not make them more right or wrong than your own.

At the end of the day there is one person and one person only that needs to believe in your dream in order for it to become a reality, and that person is you! You are the only creator of your life, and you have the power to create it however you choose.

So do you think now would be the right time to start living your dreams?

Only you can, and you can only do it NOW!

Written by Lisa Frost
Absurdly Improbable
www.absurdlyimprobable.com