To Live an Extraordinary Life - Part II

Written by Lisa Frost
Absurdly Improbable

25th Jul 2007

www.absurdlyimprobable.com

As promised, here is Part II of 'To Live an Extraordinary Life'. If you haven't read Part I yet go and do that first or you'll have no idea what I'm talking about!


Waking someone up in the middle of the night is scary, even if you aren't about to bare your soul to them. Walking up to my friend's door I was terrified. A large part of me wanted to back out, to put it off for another day, a "better" time. But I knew if I left then I'd likely never say it all. I knew that it was too important, he was too important, to let it go even one more day without being said.

I was tired. Buggered in fact (that's the technical term). I'd have been lucky to average 4 hours sleep over the previous 3 nights, and the Forum is a pretty full-on experience (it's not like you're sitting there all day watching the grass grow). But to have used my own tiredness, or the fact he was likely asleep, as an excuse would have been a cop-out. To consider that a couple of hours sleep is more important to me than him is just ridiculous.

He sat in almost complete silence while I had the most honest conversation of my life. I was so scared I had to sit with my hands clasped together, jammed between my knees to keep them from shaking all over the place. It took quite a while to say everything I wanted to, what with my fear, stuttering, crying, sniffing and generally feeling like I wanted to be anywhere in the world but there, but in the end I said it all.

The essence of what I said was:

I've been a jerk.

This is how I've been a jerk.

This is what I really think of you.

I don't want to be your friend, I want to share my life with you.

This is how I want to share my life with you.

After some silence I wondered if he would actually say anything. He's one of the most non-confrontational people I know and would normally avoid a difficult conversation the way most people avoid jumping into bed with a cobra. I'd just bared my soul to him, and I knew that this was likely one of the hardest conversations he'd ever had in his life, so I wasn't sure if I'd get any reply. But I did.

The first thing he said is that what I'd said was the most gutsy, courageous thing he'd ever heard anyone say. I absolutely believed him, though I think what he said next might have eclipsed it.

If you think telling someone you want to share your life with them takes courage, try telling someone you care about that you don't want to share your life with them. There are relationships and marriages that have gone on for years, decades, even lifetimes past their use by date, simply because the people involved were too scared to say so.

So he very straightforwardly told me he didn't love me, that he had no desire to be with me. And then he told me the thing that hurt the most.

If you look back to my Live NOW! article you'll remember that it talked about a close friend of mine that died last year. What I hadn't said is that he was the brother of the person that I wanted to share my life with. The same person that now told me that because of my friendship with his brother he'd felt obligated to spend time with me.

I sat there in silence feeling absolutely crushed. Completely and utterly devastated. I felt like he was taking away all my past memories of our friendship as well as breaking my vision for the future. I felt stupid and foolish and completely worthless. I felt like the biggest idiot ever to walk the Earth. And I was so stressed I thought I was going to throw up. All I wanted was to get in my car and speed away so I could let all the pain inside me out.

And then an AMAZING thing happened. A truly MIRACULOUS and ASTOUNDING thing.

As I sat there feeling like my life was about to end (oh, how we like to feel so melodramatic in these situations!) I suddenly remembered what I'd been learning at the Forum. In particular, one of the last distinctions kept running over and over in my head.

And with that, a transformation occurred.

I suddenly realised that I had no fear, no devastation, no bad feelings towards myself or my friend. I just felt completely at peace, and had this feeling that I can only describe as quiet contentment - a very calm form of happiness.

My shaking stopped, my crying stopped, and I was able to hold my head up, look him in the eye and smile. I was able to genuinely thank him for his honesty, and then share with him some things about his brother I'd not shared before.

There were various other things said that don't really come into the point of this article. The point is really about what happened in that transformation and what happened after I'd left.

That night I had a conversation that prior to doing the Landmark Forum would have left me crying and feeling terrible for many weeks, and quite likely I would have carried it around as a sore point for the rest of my life.

Instead, when I got home the most profound sense of love and peace came over me like nothing I have ever experienced before. And I finally got in my heart, not just my head, what love really is. The next morning I got up after very little sleep. I was extremely tired and felt that I should look terrible. When I saw my mum and my niece they said I was glowing.

That feeling, that unconditional love, is why I wrote this article. Because everyone deserves to have that feeling. Everyone deserves to feel unconditional love. Absolutely everyone. It is magic!

I'd been searching for it for a long time. If you still are then go and do the Landmark Forum. Don't even think about it, just do it. It's transformed my life and I'm sure it will transform yours too.

So what ended up happening with my friend?

We've spoken once since that night and I've left the ball in his court to contact me if/when he'd like to start over - I know he needs time and space to let everything I launched on him settle. He began talking about starting the friendship over and I had to reinforce that I didn't want to be his friend, that I wanted to start over from a blank canvas, not one built only for friendship.

It was difficult, and I think it's likely I will no longer have the opportunity to share much of his presence, which is sad. But I know if we just go back to being friends when I want something else we'll end up right back where we were. It'd just be living the same old lie, and it wouldn't do either of us any good.

Worse than that, I'd kill the possibility.

You see, I've created the possibility for a wonderful relationship in my life. If I'd not shared it with him, if I'd not been authentic about it, there would have been no chance of him sharing that possibility with me. Now there is a chance. It is extremely remote, I must admit, but still there is that chance.

More than that, because I've honoured it, the possibility of that beautiful relationship will remain alive even if he doesn't choose to share it. If he doesn't share it then he's not the person to share it. The person to share that possibility is the person I share it with that shares it too. I hope that makes sense as it's a really important point.

Whether he chooses to share my possibility or not I'll always love him. He's a beautiful soul, though he can't seem to see it. I get the feeling he thinks I'm mistaken in what I see in him, but I see him how I see him, and I know a lot of other people that see him as beautiful and precious too. I know that whoever he chooses to share his life with will be truly blessed.

If I could have just one wish it would be that he could accept himself as himself. That he could accept himself as the greatest gift he has for the world. That he could accept the great value he is for the world. I wish that because then he would be free, free to live the life that in his soul he has always wanted to live.

If I could have more than one wish I'd wish the same for you. I'd wish the same for every person on this planet. Every single person is the greatest gift. It's just that most of the time we don't see our own value, so we don't give the gift of ourselves. The value is there once the gift has been given, not before. And the value is for others, not ourselves, so why would we see it?

YOU are the greatest gift you have for the world.

Have faith in that, love without condition, and you will live an EXTRAORDINARY life.

It truly is a beautiful world.


You can find out more about the Landmark Forum at www.landmarkeducation.com, including phone numbers to register or get more information, or to find out about introductory sessions (they're all over the world so no matter where you are you should be able to find one not too far away). If you live around the Brisbane area and are interested in an introductory session you can also contact me if you'd prefer.

Written by Lisa Frost
Absurdly Improbable
www.absurdlyimprobable.com